Do, then learn

Here is an email conversation I had with my rabbi this morning.  I've been struggling a little with feeling like I'm faking it as a jew.  (Yes, I know, I'm not a jew yet...)

Rabbi,

I'm off to Colorado tomorrow morning, so I just wanted to touch base.
I'm enjoying the class, but not feeling too strong about speaking up.
Which is weird, because in college I was always a vocal student.

After I did the readings for class, I was thinking about why I choose
to put up the mezuzah, light shabbat candles, bake my own
challah--especially when so many of the jews I know don't do any of
the above.

What I realized is that these are the easy mitzvot for me.  Simple
things I can do on my way to living a jewish life.  It is easy to
light the candles, hang a mezuzah, commit to going to temple.  What
isn't easy is the shift that is taking place inside.  I struggle to
use the words god, prayer, blessing--even though these are
increasingly important to me.  I am seeing the power of prayers and
intentions, but struggle to put it into words without feeling like a
charlatan.

I guess I do the material/physical jewish things, so that I might
learn to be a jew inside.  Does that make any sense?

Have a good shabbat, a safe trip to New York, and I'll see you next week!

Leah

and my rabbi replied:

Not only does it make sense, but it is also historically teh Jewish
approach. To wit: it os easier to act one's way into right thinking than to
think one's way into right acting.

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