The opening chapters of the book. The entire length of the film. It has given me a fear of flying.

Perhaps fear of flying is too strong a phrase. But the story, which you are probably all familiar, of a corporate hatchet man who spends most of his life in the air, in hotels or in anonymous corporate spaces to avoid having relationships. That is the part that scares me.

I travel a lot. Not as much as the character in the book or as much as some of my consultant peers, but a couple times a month I'm on the road. When I'm home, I'm recovering from traveling, catching up on work and trying to maintain my friendships. What is beginning to worry me is the same thing that worried me when I managed an ice cream parlor.

I'm maintaining frienships, but am I growing them? I'm certainly not doing right by romance in my life.

First vignette.

Friend who is a therapist: I was thinking that we could barter. You coach me on technical things and I'll listen to your problems.

Me (dripping in sarcasm): But I don't haaaaaaaave any problems. 

Friend who is a therapist: I read your blog. 

Me: sigh

Friend who is a therapist: Your problem is that you can't stay in once city for a month.

Second vignette.

Former friend: I'm officially an old maid. What about you? Have you met anyone special?

Me: No.

Former friend: Well, it takes one to know one.

I often wonder how people on the conference circuit maintain their marriages and relationships.  Maybe it was because they met and married before they became a business traveler., before the road warrior days.

But... it is only when I'm on the road that I meet men I find interesting. Not that Chicago doesn't have interesting men, but when I'm here I'm working, recovering, or seeing the friends I already have. I'm simply not open when I'm in Chicago. When I'm on the road, I give myself some downtime and a chance to meet people. I go to shabbat dinners with strangers and events at new places.

To that end, I haven't decided if I'm going to cut down my travel or spend more time out of town. Right now I'm thinking of spending May in New York City. I don't have any commitments to travel that month, so why not try to spend it in a city that speaks to me more than I expected it to. Maybe the other option is doing an apartment swap in Chicago and try living in a new neighborhood. 

I'm open to advice, but not to criticism, so feel free to comment away.

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My 33rd birthday is coming up and the only thing I'm asking of my friends, online and offline, is for a donation to my synagogue.

My synagogue is Emanuel Congregation in Chicago, IL. I've been a member since my conversion and also studied for my conversion there. It is my first Jewish family, introduced me to my inner circle of Jewish friends and is where I learned the difference between baruch and barchu.

We haven't suffered a sudden catastrophe, we aren't children in a far off country and I know that my house of worship isn't a universal story. The recession is and the recession has done us no favors.

Emanuel Congregation has always prided itself in never turning away a member because she can't pay her dues. We were on the brink of closing 10-15 years ago, but we now have a growing congregation full of families, singles and life-time members in their 80s, 90s, and 100s.

Here's my ask.

If you can't attend the Harold Ramis event on March 20, 2010, please make a donation to my synagogue in honor of my birthday.

In return, I will say thank you. I will also let you give me a dare or task for every $18 you donate.

It can be anything - attend shabbat services, host a dinner, volunteer at a soup kitchen, walk 5 miles, bake challah for you, send you a letter, bring you back something from my next trip out of chicago.

Keep it positive. If you donate $100, I'll give you an hour of my time for free social media consulting.

The recession has hard hit traditional Jewish institutions across the world. There are times when even I ask, "Do institutions need to survive?" I'd like to see Emanuel succeed for a bit longer and your donation will help.

Rather send a check and make it tax deductible?

Emanuel Congregation
5959 N Sheridan
Chicago, IL 60660

Thank you,

Leah

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One of the teachers is my good friend Jen Lemen and I'm very excited to be taking this online dreaming workshop.

(This is an affiliate link).

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My heart just about burst.

Not from altitude, but from a recognition that this must be it. The elusive feeling I'd been looking for since high school. Something I'd missed through college, Colorado, London, Chicago. I found it standing on the side of a mountain in Haifa, holding a rented phone to my ear with a yet-to-be broken camera in my hand.

I was wrong.

I'm always wrong.

I mistake hospitality for more. I mistake professional respect for more. I mistake customer service for more. 

But that moment, the moment before I realize that I'm wrong again, that moment is golden. When my heart starts to fill up and I don't realize that I'm making a mistake, that moment is delicious. I relish the few mornings when I wake up thinking about the latest man, my newest crush.

The hopeful moments before reality once again takes control. 

A reality that includes geography (would it kill me to like a guy in Chicago?), travel (would it kill me to spend an entire month in one city?) and the women they are already dating.

But the moment before I take all that into account... That one look from across the table. I'm going to take that moment to the bank, put it into a mutual fund and...  I'm out of financial analogies and all this energy? It should be focused on my taxes and entering receipts. Something more practical than having a crush.   

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He's 31, went to a very good college (Go Big Blue!) and is ready for marriage and a family. Ladies, lets me honest, how often do we hear a man say that he's ready for something serious? Here is why Renee thinks you should date JJ.

Meet my Friend: John (aka JJ)

First of all, I would like to thank Leah for so graciously donating part of her page to man’s (or woman’s) never ending quest for love. Blessings to you!

My friend John (JJ is what I know him as) is really the ideal guy. A hopeless romantic and loyal friend, he is definitely who you would want to hold hands with while wondering through life. He is very thoughtful and caring but can be quite headstrong at times.

But don’t let his argumentative side fool you --- he’s a total pushover! He loves a heated debate and sometimes can let his passion get the best of him. That same passion flows through many aspects of his life, therefore any girl that has the opportunity to be with him is one lucky lady! My hope is that he finds a woman that appreciates him as much as he appreciates her. 

JJ has had a rough run at love. He’s 31 and hasn't dated a ton (because he spent some of his dating time being married). He longs to have that forever kind of love in his life and is looking for a partner and true companion. He has a dog (Charlie) and a cat or two, but nothing can compare to the feeling of having that special someone.

I have known JJ for over a decade. We went to undergrad together (no ladies we have never dated, etc) and I consider him to be one of my best friends. We have helped each other through life’s ups and downs and have always been able to turn to each other for advice, guidance, and support.

Shy by nature, but talkative once he gets to know you, JJ is one of my most cherished friends. He deserves the very best that life has to offer; I hope he can share that with you!

If you’re interested in learning more about JJ, please feel free to email me at rzdych@sbcglobal.net.

Thank you!

Renee

This is Leah again - how can you not be intrigued by a guy that has the guts to wear a tiara in his dating photo? Renee said it is one of the only photos of him where he isn't covering his face, but I think it shows a sense of humor and being comfortable in his own skin. I don't know JJ now, but we went to college together and I'm sure our paths crossed. 

So... if you are looking for a nice Catholic man, ready for love, marriage and kids, in the Chicago-land area - write Renee a note. She'll take the matchmaking on from here.

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Like every other flight since then, this week's trip is for a conference. I'm heading to Los Angeles and Long Beach for Jewlicious Festival. In the six years this thing has been going on, I never planned ahead or was invited with time to organize. This year I was invited to speak with plenty of time to book a ticket.

On Thursday morning, Esther Kustanowitz has done a TON of legwork to get People of the (Face)Book organized. Esther, Rabbi Rebecca Schorr and I will be speaking about social media and Jewish community at Beth Chayim Chadashim* over breakfast. It is sponsored by ROI Community, NextGeneration Engagement Initiative of the Los Angeles Jewish Federation, and Jewish Jumpstart .

Thursday evening, I'll be getting together with LA based friends. I'm not sure where we'll be, but RSVP on Facebook if you want to meet in person.

Friday/Saturday are in Long Beach for Jewlicious Festival. Then back up to LA on Sunday to meet with a few clients, sleep and on Monday I'm back in Chicago. Please let me know if you live in LA and want to hang out. 

*In a fantastic small world twist, the Rabbi Edwards at BCC is the sister of the Rabbi Edwards at Or Chadash in Chicago.

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Holidays. Torah. Hebrew. When to stand, when to sit and when to bend slightly at the waist during prayer. Sampling all the different types of Jewish soul food. 

Then there are the things that born Jews don't think that converts need to learn. Not because they are keeping it secret, but because it doesn't even occur to them it could be different. There are humor books* and how-to guides devoted to those things including needing to take a little sweater, food pushing (offer it more than once) and the mystery of camp (summer camp, not Holocaust).

Then there is the thing that isn't in any book and that I've only recently been able to articulate: How to clear a Shabbat table. 

Jews and Gentiles, in my life, clear tables in very different ways. The first time I saw a Jewish family clear the table, I thought it was just that family, but over the past few years, I've realized that it is how many Jewish families clear the table.

How To Clear the Dinner Table

Non-Jews clear the table like a waiter clears the table at a restaurant. Mom takes two to three plates at a time to the kitchen, come back and take a few more. When you get to the kitchen, you scrape the plates into the garbage and then pile into the sink to wash after dinner. Maybe, a big maybe, you might have people pass the plates to the head of the table and then carry an awkward tower of plates, food and silverware away to the kitchen.

How to Clear the Shabbat Table

Jewish families pass and scrape. Mom still stands at the head of the table before she goes to the kitchen, but as she receives each plate she scrapes the food onto the top plate and puts the empty plate on the bottom of the pile. All of the food scraping happens at the table. Then a less akward pile of plates with food and silverware on top of the pile is taken to the kitchen.

Nu?

I pointed this out at an epic Shabbat dinner I had this week (eight hours of laughter and eating) and, when pressed, other people at the table agreed that this is generally true. I've been trying to learn how to clear the table the Jewish way, but it is more foreign to me than Hebrew. One is not more "right" than the other, just cultural differences. I've been living in this culture now since late 2004 and there are still surprises and "ah ha" moments. 

Have you all noticed anything like this? Something that a born Jew wouldn't even know was different, but represented culture shock or a cultural learning for you?

*There was an outcry against the book, but this is where I thought Boy Vey: A Shiksa's Guide To Dating Jewish Men was very useful. I also recommend Jewish as a Second Language. 

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I've stayed at the Pod Hotel on my last two trips and am in love with it. Twin bed, shared bathroom, cable TV and very affordable rates. It is the perfect mix of hostel and hotel. Privacy and flexibility. I like having mid-town as my starting and ending point of the day. I'm getting to know a few local businesses (Blockheads on 2nd) and my NYC navigation is improving.

Even though I woke up on Monday morning to a water-free hotel, the staff dealt with the emergency professionally. I couldn't get too upset about it - an annoyance that could have been a major headache.

The Port Authority

I got lost inside the building. I missed my bus. I texted friends for suggestions on how to get to Jersey. I tried to take a cab to Jersey ($72?!?!?). I cried. I got on the next bus. I had a great meeting with a new client and forgot the crying jag inside Port Authority. Mostly.

Crown Heights

After some confusion with Google Maps, I realized that my invitation to dinner in Crown Heights really was to Brooklyn and not to the Catskills. I accepted the offer and had a wonderful dinner hosted by @Mottel and his wife. After a lot of laughs, some Torah and way too much food, I went with some of the women to the Rebbetzin Conference of Chabad. 

There were 3-400 women in a massive room with 10 crystal chandeliers. My hostess would lean over and translate the Hebrew and Yiddish as needed. I stayed for 30-45 minutes before I said goodnight and started the two hour trek back to mid-town. 

It was really a lovely erev shabbat. Great to finally meet a long-time Twitter friend in person and to see the fabled 770 in person. (I walked past it on my way to the train.)

Last Rites Tattoo Theater

Saturday afternoon I had another Google Maps fake-out, but luckily I asked a waitress where Washington Square was before trusting Google Maps. (There is a Washington Park in Brooklyn, but I needed to stay in Manhattan.) I went and had a nice Barefoot in the Park moment in Washington Square (I kept my shoes on).

I met up with another never-met-in-person Twitter friend - Nater Kane - and we wound up at Paul Booth's Last Rites Tattoo Theater for an art opening. The art in the main show wasn't for me, but the few original Geigers were amazing to see in person. Overall, I loved the mixed-use space: tattoo parlor and art gallery.

It was fun to talk art, internet, music and tattoos for an evening, even if I felt a little square with my hidden tattoos and cowboy boots instead of platform dominatrix boots. 

Cowboy Boots

I bruised a good part of my ego that night after a major fall on the subway platform. Cowboy boots plus salt plus concrete plus running to the train I didn't need to run to... bad mix. I'm bruised but not too sore. The boots are going to get new soles soon. Something with traction.

I <3 New York

It is happening. That love affair that 22 year-olds have with New York, I'm starting to understand why. On these last couple trips, I've had down-time in New York and I'm developing a crush on the whole damn city. At least on Manhattan. I feel like I'm cheating on Tel Aviv when I'm in New York. I even have moments when I think I could live there.

Insanity, I know, but true none-the-less.

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More Torah cartoons at www.g-dcast.com

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I went home for the surgery and am glad I was able to zip to Indiana to be with my mom for a few days. Why own your own company if you can't leave town and support your family at the drop of a hat?

Thank you to everyone that sent emails, tweets, facebook messages. To everyone that prayed, lit candles, sent good vibes or thought nice thoughts. It really made a difference and Mom felt incredibly supported by your messages. I did, too.

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Dave told me to write a sassy and irreverent post for Jewlicious. My very first guest post about a very important cause – helping the Friendship Circle in Michigan win One Million Dollars in the Chase Community Giving Campaign .

I struggle with sassy and irreverent, so I’m going to let you play Choose Your Own Adventure with this blog post. Here are your options for intros:

I’ll Take Jewish Geography for One Million Dollars, Alex

OR

A cause so important, Leah used a hashtag.

Jewish Geography

I met Pinny at WOMMA in DC. Pinny knew Abitbol from Montreal. Pinny knows the founders of the Friendship Circle through Chabad. Pinny called me to see if my company, Natiiv, would help manage the social media campaign for his friends at Friendship Circle. I said yes and Dave asked me to write.

Deep breath.

That’s how I came to be involved with Friendship Circle. A game of Jewish geography going back years and connected online. The short of it? I want you to join our game of Jewish geography and vote for Friendship Circle. Then I want you to do one of the five things at the end of the post to help promote Friendship Circle.

Hashtaggery

On Twitter, a letter preceeded by a pound symbol is called a hashtag. I think they are ugly. They are, the #spinach in the #teeth of #writing. They have also become an accepted way of adding context to tweets to help people follow along with a developing story.

I’ve put aside my personal feelings about hashtags and embraced them for this cause. Using the #votefc hashtag (when appropriate) will help people find www.votefc.com where they can learn about Friendship Circle and our race for One Million Dollars.

Others also know that I hate the term flash mob, which is generally misused to described well-choreographed dances in public places. Lucky for me, FC Michigan is calling their stunt at the Pistons game last night a FREEZE and not a flash mob. Nearly 200 volunteers froze in the food court of the Pistons game – when they unfroze, they revealed matching yellow shirts and campaigned for the vote. 

 What does FC Michigan do?

"Since 1994, Friendship Circle has been providing assistance and support to the families of children with special needs. The majority of the Friendship Circle's innovative work with children with special needs takes place at the Ferber Kaufman LifeTown building, a 23,000 square-foot state-of-the-art facility, which serves as a therapy and activity center, social meeting place, and hub for our network of volunteers, professional staff, and supporters.

"The Friendship Circle consists of five parts - volunteers, children, parents, staff, and supporters. The true beauty of the Circle is how all of the elements link together to form a seamless community of friendship. Just as a circle has neither end nor beginning, our community offers promise, hope and love that have no bounds." 

Here's the deal - FC Michigan serves Jewish and non-Jewish clients and has Jewish and non-Jewish volunteers, but is the only Jewish non-profit in the running. We were in 2nd place on Friday afternoon, but all volunteers and staff stopped campaigning on Shabbat. We slipped from 2nd place to 9th place and are trying to make up for lost time. 

Will you work your personal networks to get out the vote for FC Michigan? Here are things you can do to help.

1.     Vote on Facebook for FC Michigan! www.votefc.com for all the info and updates.

2.     Write a blog post and embed the FREEZE video. Include links to www.votefc.com where your readers can learn more.

3.     Tweet or make a Facebook status update about Friendship Circle. Include the hashtag #votefc for context.

4.     Check our resource page for text for email campaigns, tweets, notes and more. www.votefc.com/promote

5.     Change your Twitter avatar or Facebook profile picture to show people you’re supporting the cause. Find the logo on www.votefc.com/promote

There’s a lot going on in the world right now – but please take a minute to vote or 10 minutes to blog about Friendship Circle. Every click gets these kids closer to a bigger facility where even more people will be served.

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I feel very optimistic about the whole thing, but the truth is my dad was very close to a massive heart attack. Lucky for all of us it was caught before it happened. Last night at a networking event, a man introduced himself to me and lead into his elevator pitch about his wellness book. His elevator pitch starts, "My dad died because of heart disease."

I'm trying to keep my brain from going through the "could have" and "almost happened" scenarios. Stopping myself from "borrowing trouble" as my mom says. It's hard. My great-grandfather died of a heart attack in his 30s. Everyone knows someone that has lived because of bypass surgery and everyone knows someone that has died because of a heart attack.

The cloud of "your dad almost died" is heavy, so I'm staying focused on work until I head home next week. I don't have much more to say. Thanks to everyone that has offered prayers and support. I don't know what to ask for other than light, prayers and good vibes. I mean... someone can do my dishes, but that seem silly. 

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My company will grow. I will travel more. I'll finally figure out how to keep a closet sorted. I'll cook more shabbat dinners. I'll be stronger.

I'll learn how to properly apply bronzer. 

Maybe I'll give you some sort of retrospective tomorrow, but chances are I'll be too busy moving forward and shedding the aughts.

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That, my friends, is a shame and I want to send letters, postcards, and boxes of things again. 

To do that, I need people to write. Give me your address and at some point in Twenty-ten, I'll write you.

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My mother’s parents met in Jerusalem when my grandfather, an Arab from the West Bank, was serving in the Jordanian army fighting the Zionists. He was 18 years old and my grandmother was 16. Her father ran a school in Jerusalem -- the same school where she would jump off the wall to meet my handsome, uniformed grandfather. They fell in love, got married, and lived for a number of years in Shechem (Nablus).

After my grandfather was discharged from the Jordanian army, the family moved to Kuwait, where oil profits were fueling huge business and construction projects. That’s where my mother met my father and got married.

As a young adult in Toronto, Mark went to a synagogue for the first time. I'll say that his experience of finding such a diverse synagogue on the first try is not typical, but it is music to my ears. Diversity is at the heart of Jewish living, although many of us have closed our eyes to the many rich cultures within our religion.

As I walked in, the first person I saw looked Indian. He shook my hand, said “Shabbat Shalom,” and handed me a kippah. Then I saw a black man which really surprised me. And Dr. Block was there, too.

After the services finished, I met everyone over Kiddush. I spoke with an Egyptian couple and we shared our personal stories. Jews from all backgrounds were gathered together and I was another piece of this puzzle.

After Kiddush, I accepted Dr. Block’s invitation to join him for lunch. I told him: “I can’t believe I'm here, singing and praying in Hebrew. I could never have imagined it.”

He smiled and said, "It's not so hard to believe. Every Jew is born with a little Torah and a little Menorah inside.” He then pressed his shoulder up against mine and said, “All it takes is for another Jew to bump into him and light it up."

 Please take some time to read Mark's entire story and follow him on Twitter.

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It mattered that I was missing out on spending the first of a holiday with friends. It mattered that I couldn't stop crying on a business trip. I pulled it together by the time I got to the client meeting, but that was one of my hardest nights being a road warrior.

Less than a month later, I quit my job and started my company and what a year it has been.

For the first night of Chanukah this year, I was with my family. My sister, my mom, my nephews, my brother-in-law... My family. I never expected to celebrate a Jewish holiday with my immediate family. My family has been nothing short of supportive of my conversion, but I respect that they didn't convert and I try not to push my holidays on them. 

This year my nephew has Jewish friends and they compared notes on Chanukah and Christmas. He decided that Christmas was a rip-off and asked my sister for Chanukah. She explained that Chanukah is Aunt Leah's holiday and if I visited, they would celebrate it. If not, they wouldn't. I immediately rented a car, sent my sister the ingredient list for latkes and high-tailed it downstate. We did two nights of Chanukah with a menorah, little presents, and a big latke dinner on night two. The Jones-Devivo Chanukah was a total success and my sister has a LOT of latkes left to eat this week.

At the end of year one of Natiiv Arts & Media, I think I can declare it a success. Sure, I've got some debt, but my mortgage has been paid on time almost every single month. My clients have done great things with the skills I taught them and my reputation as a go-to trainer is growing in a few different industries.

In 2010, I hope my business keeps growing and that I find a way to actually go on some dates. I won't hold my breath on that one, though. Being married to my company isn't all that bad - at least Natiiv likes to travel as much as I do. 

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That said, on this trip, I'm a regular at The Dancing Camel, Cafe Alexandria and Libra. Want to hear about them? I thought so.

The Dancing Camel - Hataasiya 12 

What happens when an accountant in Jersey with a home-brewing hobby scraps everything and makes aliyah? One of Israel's first micro-breweries - The Dancing Camel. This is the bar where the Tel Aviv Twitterati have their monthly tweet-up and where I'm helping co-host the Tel Aviv Tweetsgiving. When Yael and I first went to meet with David, the owner, to talk about Tweetsgiving, I instantly felt at home.

And by "at home" I mean "in Durango." I felt like I was sitting in Steamworks or the Ska Tasting Room . Two of the Durango micro-breweries that taught me to appreciate a beer that was brewed in-house. I told Yael and David that if I lived here, it would certainly be one of my local stomps. So why stop at "if" and just make it "while." 

This month I've been back to Dancing Camel a few times. David is always on-site and ready to chat. The beer is poured carefully and the pretzels are plentiful. Last night I even got to sample the signature drink that we'll be having at Tweetsgiving. Nothing to do with beer - it is a layerd shot with pumpkin puree, coconut and vodka, and coffee liqueur.

I can recommend the Hefe-Wit and Gordon Beach. I dig the stout, but it is a bit bright for my tastes.

LiBRa by Mika - 120 Ben Yehuda

The first time that I didn't come to Libra was in the summer of 2008. I twittered that I was looking for somewhere with Wifi along Ben Yehuda. My friend Adam replied that I should come to Libra where he was working. I had already plugged in and ordered coffee by the time I saw his tweet, so I tried to convince him to join me. I didn't realize that he meant managing the restaurant and not working on his laptop there. I didn't go and I didn't meet him that summer.

This summer, at my Jet Lag Tweet-Up, I met Adam for the first time and he reminded me of the interaction and made me promise to actually go. I did and went back another 2-3 times this summer. A good location, huge patio, giant umbrellas and fast wifi - I was hooked. This winter I think I've been back 3-4 times even though it is nowhere near where I'm living in Tel Aviv.

From the menu I've had edamame (mmm... rock salt), the schnitzel (massive portion), the fried rice (massive portion), some yummy salads, a croissant, coffees and wines. I've looked enviously at my friends orders of kebab and chicken and at the next table over's dessert. This winter we had a small dinner there one night, just six of us and we were able to linger until midnight. The food was great, the service, the setting and the company. 

It's also a place I feel very comfortable going alone and as a solo traveler, that's important. I went yesterday around 4PM and got the business lunch, but the time I was ready to leave it was about 6PM and I looked around and saw five other women dining solo. 

Cafe Alexandria - Yehuda HaLevy and HaMagid

This is the trip when I FINALLY met Savta Dotty. She's a blogger that I was introduced to when I worked on One Voice at Edelman, but never met. I met her on day one in Israel this trip. She told me that I might like a little cafe down the street called Cafe Alexandria. It is on Yehuda Halevy and HaMagid. It's possible that I've been here every single morning since I arrived. Okay, not every morning - it is closed on Shabbat and there were three days when I was out of town.

I've had eggs and israeli salad, croissants, muffins, shakshuka and countless cups of coffee. The wifi is good, the staff is friendly and all of the customers are beautiful. No really, we are a pretty bunch. 

I've been here as early as 7AM (thank you jet lag) and as late as 1PM (thank you Dancing Camel). In the early morning, I like to watch the deliveries come in for the cafe and the shop across the street. The kids walking to school, the dogs walking their owners and the city coming alive. On a rainy day like today, I'm drinking gallons of coffee and watching the city huddle under umbrellas.

There you have it - how I spent my summer vacation. Erm... Winter vacation. In Tel Aviv, becoming a regular. What are your favorite places to be a temporary regular?

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Okay, some background.

Shidduch dating in the orthodox Jewish world is dating specifically to find your future spouse. When people make a shidduch, as I understand it, they are matchmaking. Making an introduction between two singles they think might hit it off. There's a bunch of talk about a shidduch crisis on orthodox blogs - not enough men or men wanting younger women, leaving the older singles to become old maids. Something like that.

Friends and comic Heshy Friedjust published a post of awkward shidduch moments. There is the blog Holy Shidduch where people can leave anonymous stories of Shidduch dates gone horribly wrong. There's Bad for Shidduchim and Aliza from Jewminicana wrote a great post about how if she and her husband had relied on a matchmaker, they wouldn't have been introduced. There's also Frum N Flipped - a religious woman that has made aliyah and is still searching for her beshert.

Here's the thing...

When I read about the world of shidduch dating in the Orthodox world I'm both releived that I'm not a part of it and sad that I'm not a part of it. I wish people took matchmaking more seriously in the liberal Jewish world. I wish my rabbi would call me up and say, "Leah, I've got someone you might be interested in, would you like me to introduce you." I wish that I was better about seeing potential romantic matches within my growing social circle and better at saying, "Friend, I've got someone you might want to date." I wish there was a way in Chicago to break out of the world of YLD (Young Leadership Division of the Federation) and JDate. A way to meet a man that someone that knows both of us thinks will be a good match for me.

Since I converted four years ago, I've been set up on ONE date and I was set-up by a reader of my blog. She did a great job - on paper, we were a perfect match. In reality, we didn't have the chemistry. But Jendeis took the time to say, "International travel, educated, geographically desirable" and then make an introduction.

So here is my call to the Reform movement, to secular Jews, to Jews outside of Orthodoxy - MORE MATCHMAKING PLEASE. Let's replace Jdate with matchmaking... Introductions made by people that know both parties. That have an idea who we are as real people and not just how we present ourselves online.

Pretty please?

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Here I am. In Tel Aviv for the month. I was able to sublet an apartment with a great location. I've got a few workshops planned and a lot of free time. I hope to write a lot, see friends, cook a few good dinners and just have a nice month. Let me know if you want to hang out. 

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"About two years ago, I looked around and realized that what I had documented back then was a physical metaphor of how people would react to the Internet, which Josh predicted would eventually take over our lives."

Let me repeat that...

"a physical metaphor of how people would react to the Internet..."

Today I went with 7 others (5 Twitter friends, one client introduced via a Twitter connection and a friend of the client) to see the documentary We Live In Public at the Music Box Theater. We Live In Public covers the two final art/internet experiments of Josh Harris. An analyst that made $80 million in the dot com boom, spent it like crazy and eventually hit rock-bottom and disappeared to upstate New York where he bought an apple farm.

This isn't a review, but a collection of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head before and after seeing the movie. I left the movie feeling like I'd been punched in the face. For all the insanity (drugs + interrogation + weapons), Josh did predict how we would behave once the Internet became pervasive.

One - Jason Calacanis

Jason Calacanis is featured in the movie. He's someone that's been on my radar for a few years (founder of Mahalo and Weblogs Inc), but not someone I follow regularly. After Sundance, he posted to his blog a very long missive he'd originally sent out to his mailing list. Published in January 2009, I only came across the post this week. We Live in Public (and the end of empathy) is long, but worth the read. Also worth your time are the comments.

It is not so much his reflections of Josh Harris or the time the film covers, but his wrestling with the end of empathy. He describes the dehumanization of people on the web as Internet Asperger's Syndrome. (Look for thoughtful comments from people with Asperger's and you'll understand that he shouldn't have said Asperger's, but don't invalidate the whole post over this).

"In this syndrome, the afflicted stops seeing the humanity in other people. They view individuals as objects, not individuals. The focus on repetitive behaviors–checking email, blogging, twittering and retiring andys–combines with an inability to feel empathy and connect with people."

The afflicted stops seeing the humanity in other people.

"We’re harvesting our lives and putting them online. We’re addicted to gaining followers and friends (or email subscribers, as the case may be), and reading comments we get in return. As we look for validation and our daily 15 minutes of fame, we do so at the cost of our humanity."

Not only does that describe online behavior of so many people, but it describes how humans are able to go to war. The dehumanization of other. 

Two - Julia Allison

I don't remember when I first noticed Reblogging NonSociety. A month, two months ago tops. I'm obsessed with it and also embarrassed that I read it daily. Reblogging Non-Society is "dedicated to watching the train wreck that is NonSociety ."

I hate that I read something dedicated to tearing another woman down. On the flip side, I don't get Julia Allison's fame. She's been on the cover of Wired and featured in a story on how to turn yourself into a web celebrity. In Reblogging NonSociety, there are also some gems. Advice hidden for Julia and anyone else reading.

"Maybe Julia Allison, victim, might learn from this, and cease from Twitter-spewing her life to thousands of strangers." 

"Stop Tweeting that shit [like “when you know, you know” and “you’re the exception to my rule” as you told your friends you’d “found a boyfriend.”] in the initial stages of your acquaintance. It scares the shit out of them."

Like I said, I'm not proud of myself for being a reader or spending any attention on it. But what I try to remember every time I open the site - is that for all the celebrity that Julia has built for herself - she is a person. Those posts and comments hurt her. I wish that someone who knows her would pull her aside and say, "There is some truth and good advice hidden in the snark. It is time to live privately."

Three - Merlin Mann

Merlin Mann is behind Inbox Zero. Inbox Zero is a myth in my world, but one that I admire. My main interaction and awareness of Merlin are his hilarious and often favorited tweets. Earlier this week, though, he posted a video that I finally watched tonight after much egging on by Dave. The total time to watch the two videos is just under an hour, but worth it.

First watch the video at the bottom of the page - 5 Household Hacks. And then watch his longer video where he explains what pushed him to make the funny, cutting video.  Merlin talks about the the self-help industry, carpet baggers in social media, and butchers. And so much more. 

Four - Waking up at 4AM

On Shabbat, I stayed up late talking with friends about our lives. Eventually my friend Erin started talking about kayaking.  For her, kayaking is bringing her incredible joy and she thinks it is worth getting up at 4AM to go out for a sunrise paddle.

I couldn't tell her what in my life is worth waking up at 4AM. Although sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, roll over and read recent tweets and emails with one eye open.

Five - Shabbat

On my DC trip, which my friends must be sick of hearing me talk about, not only did I observe shabbat more than I ever do in Chicago, I stayed offline when I got to the Conversation in Baltimore. While some chose to keep their smart phones handy, I left it in my room and also didn't take any paper with me. I was completely unplugged and totally present.

It was exhausting.

I realized that I use my Blackberry as a shield. A wall. A way to protect myself. My blackberry has not kept my heart from getting broken, but it keeps me out of the muck that can be so hard to handle at times.

As a result, I'm now staying offline for shabbat. I'm still on my phone some, but I'm keeping my computer off. I'm trying to be fully present at least one day a week. So far... so good.

Six - Peggy Orenstein

Peggy wrote a piece in the New York Times this week about how having information at our fingertips is sucking time away from us and that access to information is not the same as becoming wise.

"this mass-erosion of our self-control was inevitable, as the instrument of our productivity merged with that of our distraction: since computers have expanded from mere business tools to full-service entertainment centers. But I think there’s something deeper going on as well. Those mythical bird-women (look it up) didn’t seduce with beauty or carnality — not with petty diversions — but with the promise of unending knowledge. “Over all the generous earth we know everything that happens,” they crooned to passing ships, vowing that any sailor who heeded their voices would emerge a “wiser man.” That is precisely the draw of the Internet."

Seven - Leah Jones

A client said to me this week, "I follow you on Twitter. Nothing is too small for you to comment on. Tell me about that."

I responded that while I live publicly, I live privately. Yes. I share mundane details of my life, but I am rarely deeply personal. The idea of Naked Blogging is long-gone for me. I have an understanding that just because we can put it all out there, we shouldn't.

There is power in mystery. There is preservation in privacy. I am much more private online than I have ever been in six years of blogging.

Eight - Kris Krug

"You can blog about me or you can date me, but you can't do both."

Nine - We Live In Public

We left the theater, the eight of us, and looked at our phones. Could we tweet about what we'd just seen? What we were feeling? I wondered if everyone was reeling the way I was. I asked, "So... are we all going to delete our Twitter accounts now?"

I won't. If it wasn't for Twitter and Facebook, I'd have been at the movie alone. I suppose if it wasn't for Twitter and Facebook, the film wouldn't have resonated so much.

Just because we live in public, doesn't mean we give up privacy. It means we have to manage privacy in our lives. It means that we accept a sometimes cruel mirror that might be put in front of us. It means learning to cope with assholes. Deciding if you feed trolls. Debating if there is truth in the snark that might someday be turned against yourself.

Living in public, also means a responsibility to our friends living publicly with us. Pulling them aside and reminding them that they are human beings first and Internet personas... second? third? twenty first?

This is what the documentary made me think about. The articles it brought to mine. The modern versions of Josh Harris. The experiments. The rat maze. All in all, we hold the plug and we can turn it off and live in private again.

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Here's chapter one of my as of yet unfinished novel.

The Matzah Holiday

“Why didn’t you tell me this was the matzah one?” I said to Aaron as we waited for the cab to come.

“I thought you knew.”

“How would I know? How would I know? You said we were going to a seder, you didn’t say we were going to big important matzah dinner!”

Aaron and I got into a cab outside of his parents house, drunk after four glasses of wine at his parents seder. I was nursing a bruised ego and hurt feelings from the things I overheard his mom and aunt say from the kitchen. Oh, and there was one little faux pas.

“You could have told me not to bring dinner rolls.”

“Sweetie, I really thought you knew.  And if you’d met me at my house before, I could have stopped you.”

“For future reference when I say, ‘should i bring something?’ the appropriate response is more like ‘the food rules are insane, why I don’t I take care of it’ instead of, ‘sure, mom will appreciate that.’”

Aaron leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head. He pulled me closer on the cab and whispered, “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was Passover and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you not to bring dinner rolls. You’re the first... well, you know, the first...”

“Shiksa.”

“I wasn’t going to say it that way.”

“Your mom didn’t have any problems saying it.”

“Trace, she’ll realize how great you are. I promise, she’ll see that it doesn’t matter.”

“What other rules should I know for surviving in your family?”

“I can’t think of anything else.” Aaron paused, “Other than don’t bring those bacon wrapped figs that you make, that wouldn’t fly.”

The cab got to my house and I asked Aaron if he was sure he didn’t want to stay over.  “Thanks, but I need to go help my mom tomorrow and go to the second night seder at my synagogue.... you know, just stuff going on.”

He hugged me again, kissed me good night and got back into the cab to head from my less-than-fashionable Ravenswood apartment to his slightly more fashionable address in Lincoln Square.

Aaron and I had only been together a couple months and we’re already my longest relationship.  Aaron was more of a serial monogamist. He was with Rachel for close to three years, but things came tumbling down when she and his mom ganged up on him about getting married. He’s not just my longest relationship, but my first Jewish boyfriend, which until tonight wasn’t an issue. I got inside and dropped everything on the couch, including myself. That wine hit me harder than I expected. 


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I am both flattered and embarrassed when I meet someone that has read my blog or, more likely, follows me on Twitter. It connects immediately to a moment when I was a few years out of High School and realized that, while I was never popular, I was more well-known than I knew.  This embarrassment I feel for being well known for writing about my cat, my inability to cook, my obsession with Matilda, Moody's and Metropolis, the CTA and my new company... the embarrassment is turning into a much sharper version of self-deprecating humor than I've ever turned on myself before.

I insisted to a man I was interested in that I was, in fact, nobody special. That he was mistaken. That I am not a cool kid, nor will I ever be. That I am nobody special and to stop insisting that I might be.

What if I'm actually afraid that I am someone special? What if great things are expected of me and I don't know if I can deliver? Is it possible that I've gotten too good at self-deprecating humor? That I am so convincing of the total accidental nature of my success, that I've convinced him and others that indeed... I don't have what they are looking for.

Despite all of the arguments that I've written in my journal, the potential compromises and solutions, the problems I've acknowledged and let go of... I don't have the fighting instinct to say, "No, wait, I'm much more than I let you think I am."

I know that I'm capable of more.

Of giving more, of loving more, of writing more, of doing more and being more than I am today. I'm becoming that special person. I'd like to be someone that speaks up in the future and explains why I think the barriers aren't really as big as we thought.

I need to stop saying that I'm nobody special, because people are starting to believe me. Mainly, I'm starting to believe me and the record has been on very fast repeat lately and I have to find something else to occupy my thoughts.

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Shocking then, to some friends, that I did not support the Olympic bid. I signed up on Chicagoans For Rio, sent words of support to the Latin American bid city and was very relieved when Chicago was elimated from the running. I kinda wish that Chicago hadn't been eliminated in the first round, some of my friends were excited about the possibility and it would have been nice for them to have another hour to dream.

I saw a few tweets saying that Obama lost face by going to pitch the IOC. I don't think that's true either. If he hadn't gone, he would have been blamed for our losing. Every other head of state from a bid country went to the IOC. It is now the done thing. I love that he went to support his city, even if I didn't want to win. 

My feelings towards Chicago are so complicated, it's like we're in the same family. I support you, I love you, but I don't support everything that you do. Chicago, sometimes you need some tough love and I hope this is what you got. I hope this means that Daley's reign will come to an end. That the City Council and the Aldermen will start representing their wards and not just doing what Daley says.

I hope people take their civic energy and put it into something. Into schools. Into volunteer programs. Into local advocacy. I don't know what I'll do for the city or for my community. I need to do more here, but I always have one foot out the door. I'm always looking at other cities, while I keep my residence here. The taxes are so high - both property and sales - that I've considered leaving the city to protect my business and my wallet. But it is simple, I can't imagine living in America and not living in Chicago.

Oh Chicago... Congratulations on losing. Let's get back to real business.

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