Where are the single Jews-by-Choice?

I guess I'm confused ... aren't any of the typical Jewish sites resources for JBCs who happen to be single or converted single? I guess I've never considered this question, and I converted as a single Jewish woman :D

Sure, the sites are for single or partnered JBCs, however I think there are different issues when you convert single. At least there were for me, as far as lacking built-in support, an automatic holiday invitation, or feeling secure in having a full Jewish life. I've created all of those things by creating a social group at my synagogue, but I envy partnered converts who have Jewish in-laws.

Plus I was asked and I didn't have much of an answer, so I wanted to put the question out there for someone needing support during their conversion.

Well Leah in Chicago, it's like this. You're a Jew by choice. OK, I accept you as a Jew, forget about the JBC. The JBC may be the life's blood of your Jewish identity, but as a Jew I accept you as a Jew. So please accept my advice and find a shidduch with a Jew - any Jew - and don't harp on the Jew by choice motif. You and your reader don't need resources for Jews by choice, you need Jewish resources, just as any Jew does since, after all, you're a Jew.

Schvach, Some things are different for converts. Judaism is a family-centered religion, and we usually don't have any Jewish relatives. Born Jews almost always do. Conversely, we almost always have close non-Jewish relatives. Managing those relationships during and after conversion can be quite difficult. During Pesach, most of my friends go home for seders. I am not related to anyone who observes Pesach. Similarly, my family has a lot of traditions surrounding gentile holidays that I can no longer take part in. It means that for all cases of holidays that bring families closer together, I am separated. I'm guessing that you don't have this problem. Beyond that, people who are happy with their families don't normally convert. Many converts have horrible things in their past and have been fundamentally alienated from their families since their teens. I think this is nearly universal among those who convert alone, and fairly common among those who convert with a spouse. Many people are partially replacing their families as they come into the Jewish community. Becoming Jewish is often part of how people make their life ok. It can be vitally necessary. This complicates figuring out how to function properly in the Jewish community. Friendship with others who have gone through this helps a lot. Also, all gerim (including Orthodox gerim) face rejection as Jews fairly frequently. This is painful and frightening. I've lost sleep worrying about my right to Jewish identity and practice--I doubt that you have. Hardly any born Jews experience this. Almost all born Jews I know are dismissive of this issue and say that it shouldn't matter, or tell us that we should realize that we're just like everyone else--but it's not something it's all that easy to ignore. (And the outright discrimination that we often face tells me that it's not actually all in my head). There's almost nothing written about any of this. Almost all of what is written assumes conversion with a spouse and is mostly inapplicable to single people. If there was more written, and more known about what gerim can do to handle this issues well, it would help a lot of people. Marriage is a great thing, and general Jewish resources are of course necessary for all Jews, but converts do genuinely need knowledge that born Jews don't. Pretending that we are the same doesn't help us to solve those problems.

I have quite a few JBC's among my friends. The females either 1) insist that they must marry someone with a family, or 2) insist only another JBC can really understand them. In other words, they're just like women everywhere, and are each individual in every way. My opinion? The same as I tell any other single: Stop thinking about what was, and do what all other singles do!

As a single, thirty-something, Orthodox convert I do have much difficulty with dating. I am a recent convert and already, I've been rejected numerous times with the reason specifically for being a convert. Others have cited my physical features--I have blue eyes and light brown, very straight hair and a slight bit of a Southern accent as not being able to fit in. Not features that can be easily altered. Perhaps it was just an easy or obvious reason to state instead of the real reason but I am left with a sharp sting each time this happens.

BTs and FFBs (just regular yids that are halakhicly permissible not kohains) my age tell me that their families or friends would not accept me. I do not specifically seek another JBC or someone with a family. Everyone Jew has their own unique experiences. Twice, men 20+ years older interested and have let it be known I should be 'grateful' they'd consider me--that is not the way to start a shidduch. These repeated situations DO hurt, especially for a introvert person, but I won't give up. However, in fairness, I did realize that when I converted, it did mean that I might not marry.

I wish I could agree with Schvach regarding forgetting about being JBC. I sure would like not to be reminded. It is far-fetched since this only concerns a minority of folks, but I really wish there was some way to indicate if someone would be agreeable to dating a convert.